The man across the table from me said, "Maybe we'll skip this part." And I caved, caught off guard. The Apostle's Creed was off the program. We agreed to keep the Lord's prayer in.
It's all part of the new way of doing things. Involving people in developing the agenda of what goes on at their loved one's memorial service is a sensible thing to do. Personal remarks are important. Laughter, tears - it's all fitting. Even a few photographs can be ok. After all, this is a significant life we're remembering. And we give God thanks for the privilege to have known the person.
And we call it a memorial. It's a time of remembering. But I wasn't raised going to memorials. I went to funerals. Somewhere along the way the name got changed, and the procedure with it. I realize there are some differences with the way various churches approach services for those who die. And that's my point, without getting into denominational labels. A public service for a Christian who dies needs to have certain things take place.
Were I to sum it up, a funeral for a believer needs to center on Jesus Christ and His saving work for people. That's it. And we get into trouble when these services are designed by committees.
Having said that, let's look at the main parts. People gather. Kindness and grief are shared. The pastor gives the invocation: "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." This must take place very soon in a public worship service, for by it the pastor or other leader declares the authority under which we gather. It's sort of like the seasoned veteran of board meetings or football games who, upon seeing some uncertainty or hesitation, says, "Let's get on with the real business or I've got better ways to spend my time." The real business is to look to Him who is Life itself and see if He has anything to say when we're surrounded by death.
Next the pastor might say, "We welcome you and trust that this will be a helpful time for you." It's helpful to be hospitable and acknowlege the various people and needs and backgrounds represented. This is a public meeting, not a private one. You let the people know that you're glad they're there, and that hopefully there will be a time of refreshments afterward where people can visit together and condolences can personally be shared.
During the service in our era there is often a time when people can speak up about personal remembrances. Pictures or stories can be told. That's why many call this service a memorial. Some of the somber services of the past didin't allow for personal sharing, and it can be a real improvement to have them. I have heard, though, of cases where far too much time has been spent in remembrances. It puts people to sleep. Or, when someone gets real weepy, others sit there and squirm because they have no idea of the cause for this venting. Then there are nice things said that the speaker shouldn't have waited to say until the person died. (Flowers are for the living.) So, to sum up this part, our age calls these memorials. It's sort of a combination of the old "wake" and the old funeral.
So since, I'm not a liturgical purist, and outward formality for its own sake is foolishness, let me state what is critical. When a person dies, and people gather in the Lord's name, we need to hear what the Lord has to say. He says that we are created in His image. He says, "the soul that sins, it shall die." God the Father says, "This is my Beloved Son; listen to Him." And God the Son says, "He who eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life. And I will raise him up at the last day."
You can say nice things about a person and people will feel better. You can put pictures on a screen, and have a touching time of shared memories. But if you must, for some reason, go without those things, you can still have a complete service. All you need is the Word of God. Because Jesus is the living Word, who came in the flesh. If he hadn't come to be born and die and rise from the dead, we'd still be in our sins. But because He came, those who put their trust in Him become children of God and have begun - here and now - living with eternal life. Even before physical death takes them, their citizenship has already been transferred.
One more thing must be said. Not everybody is a good candidate for a memorial. What about those who have lived an absolutely crummy life? Must we gather and tell lies about him? "This guy was really sincere in his own way." Or, "This lady just had a wild streak. Its too bad people didn't understand her." What absolute nonsense! A truly Christian funeral helps us maintain a discipline regarding death. In particular, when a person dies who has become a believer late in life, but most people knew him as a pretty unsavory character, so be it. We commend them to the Lord who gave His life for the forgiveness of sin. That's what redemption is about. If it's not that, then we put the cross of Jesus in a secondary position. Is that what you want to do? If not, start doing truly Christian funerals for people. As for the person who was not baptized and never confessed faith in Christ, don't lie about it. You can still give people an opportunity to tell stories and memories. But share the Word of the cross and resurrection of Jesus. That can bring life and renew faith for those who attend! Otherwise, perhaps the "memorial" can be carried out at a secular meeting hall or anyplace, by anyone for that matter.
You can count on it, at times of death people will say things like "I just don't understand it", or they will ask questions that hang in the air like early morning fog, without an answer. But for the Christian, it's different, and for the Christian funeral it's different. We gather to share sorrow and we gather to share the Bread of Life, because we are not citizens of this world. "He is not the God of the dead, but of the living".
Next time you go to a memorial, watch what the agenda is. If its mainly a time of remembering, ask yourself, was this distinctively a Christian gathering, or a humanistic one? For me, I'm hungry for the distinctiveness of a gathering that centers on the person and work of Jesus Christ. I love the personal sharing. But don't end it there. I don't have time to fool around. Give me the meat. Give me Jesus.